Memories Of My Mystical, Artistic Mother

by Cynthia Kiteley Lee

 

        This year (2008), Mother's Day fell on May 11.  My mother died on May 12, two years ago. Her birthday was May 21, so May was always a month with two "Mother Celebrations" for me.  It was always a bit of a scramble to find two presents (or two sets of presents) and to get them in the mail and delivered on time. Now, May is marked by three mother-related days:  Mother's Day and my mother's birthday and deathday.

        Telia Kiteley (as most folks knew her)  was a wonderful mother, but not in a "smarmy," sugary sweet way.  That's because she wasn't a "normal" 1950s style T.V. apron-wearing kind of mom who baked cookies a lot and was always incredibly  happy, wise, loving and forgiving.  

       My mother was a mystic, an artist and was highly psychic.  She was passionate, intense, super sensitive and fiercely loving and protective.  She was very connected with the world of matter as well as spirit.  Interior design and landscaping were her passions and she had a great talent for both. She had sharp sense of the tragic aspects of life and a sense of kinship with those who suffered.

       I was very close with my mother, especially since, unlike my sister,  I lived either very close or fairly close  to her geographically for the first three and a half decades of my adult life. This enabled us to spend several major holidays together every year, and we kept in touch through long phone calls and, when I lived close by, overnight visits every few weeks. 

      My mother's love for me and her interest and pride in my achievements and activities was a constant.  So was her depression and anxiety  which grew greater with the passage of time. Our childhood homes and, after we had left the nest, her apartment and houses were always full of art, music, poetry, flowers, beloved dogs, candles, antiques, and lush gardens.  She wasn't able to read much due to her eye problems, but her love of learning never ended and she delighted in  watching educational television shows about history, nature, animals and politics.

     My married sister (we call her Rise) was much more rooted and geographically stable than I was, so my mother chose to move close to her when she left Washington, D.C.  I had left Washington, D.C. a few years before and she wanted and needed to be close to one of us.   

     At the time my mother moved to Phoenix,  I was a never-married, professionally unanchored rolling stone inclined to move every six or seven years.  None of my family or friends expected me to get married and settle down romantically, professionally, and geographically.  And yet, at the ripe old age of 48, that's just what happened.        

A Very Brief Account of My Mother's Life

      Here is my mother's seven paragraph obituary.  I'm the writer in the family, so I wrote it for publication in her home town newspaper. They left off the excerpt of a poem by Mary Oliver that I included. You'll find it here, however.  It is a sobering thing to see a loved one's life--or anyone's life-- reduced to seven stilted paragraphs. A standard obituary is such a dry, dull account of a life.  I have added some additional comments to the obituary below, using colored text.

An Expanded Obituary

      Otelia Kiteley, nee Queen Otelia Curtis, 82, a former resident of McMinnville, Tennessee, died May 12, 2006 in Phoenix, Arizona in the home of her daughter Telia Teresa Kiteley.  Her memory had gradually disappeared and she spent a lot of time in a vegetative state those last three years. She is buried in St. Francis Cemetery in Phoenix.   She died from the progressive, cumulative, irreversible effects of vascular dementia; many of her symptoms resembled those of Alzheimer's.

       My sister Rise was a superb caregiver for my mother, as protective as a tigress and as tender as a mother with her own young child.  Rise sacrified many comforts and endured many stresses and strains in the final years of my mother's mental and physical deterioration. My mother died  with Rise's arms wrapped around her, and Rise's head pressed against her heart when it faltered and finally fell silent.  In accordance with her wishes, my mother did not spend her final years in a nursing home.

      When my mother no longer recognized me and could not recall shared experiences with me that spanned more than half a century, a gaping, grief-filled chasm opened up in me. My mother was not dead, and yet our accustomed relationship was gone.  Memory plays such a major role in our relationships.  

       During what turned out to be my last visit with my mother in Phoenix, I spent a week sharing the bed and guest bedroom that she lived in in my sister's home.  My sister's home  has two bedrooms only; her own and the one my mother stayed in. 

      While there, I prepared meals for and fed my mother, brushed her long bright white hair and gave her foot and hand massages, and a manicure and pedicure.  I sang to her and played music and songs I knew she had loved in the past and, of course, we watched and listened to a lot of television together. As I was packing up and getting ready to leave, her usual "gibberish" verbalizations suddenly gave way to a rare, clearly formed complete sentence:  "I wish you didn't have to leave."

       I sang comforting, familiar songs about death and the release of death and going "home" to heaven, such as "Swing Low Sweet Chariot," "I Am A Poor Wayfaring Stranger," and "I'll Fly Away." 

      Early in the morning of the day that my mother died, I found myself moved to sing "I'll Fly Away" as I scrubbed my kitchen floor in Arkansas. When my sister called from Phoenix 20 minutes later to say mom had died, it turns out she died at exactly the time I started to sing.

        This was not the first or only significant pyschic (or paranormal) experience that I had in connection with my mother's death process (which began three days prior to her death).  There were also a number of post-death developments and communications with my mother that ranged from dramatic to tender to playful. 

      Her love for me and our loving relationship did not end with her death but took on new, um, dimensions.  My mother is much happier now than she was when she was in physical form, and her long ago articulated desire to work with me "from the other side" after she died has clearly been achieved.  I am grateful beyond measure for this gift of continued connection and communication.

     Otelia was born in McMinnville, Tennessee on May 21, 1923. Her parents were Aaron Escal Curtis and Victoria (Vickie) Curtis. She is survived by her husband Charles Pennington Kiteley (who is now 82-years old and lives in Paris, France with his devoted companion Andree), daughters Telia Teresa Kiteley of Phoenix, Arizona and Cynthia Kiteley Lee of Siloam Springs, Arkansas; sisters Edith Milstead Northcutt of Altamont (who died the following year) and Sugar Lou Smith of McMinnville; and her brother Waymon Curtis (who died a few months later in the winter of 2006). She was preceded in death by one brother, Aaron Lowell Curtis. 

     Otelia earned a B.S. in Physical Education from Middle Tennessee State College in Murfreesboro in 1943.  She was so bright and such a high achiever in grade school that she was allowed to "skip" a some grades. She ended up starting college at age 16.  She loved college, excelled in college and wrote a thesis on Martha Graham and Modern Dance.  She married Hobart Massey, also of Warren County, Tennessee on July 27, 1944. Massey died in combat in Germany on April 12, 1945 during the Battle of the Bulge in World War II.  He was killed while helping to protect men in his unit.  Hobart was the romantic love of my mother's life. She felt that he was her soul mate.  She "knew" at age 14 that they would be married. 

     They married shortly before he went to war. Telia also "knew" the exact moment that Hobart died in battle in Europe.  She was walking with a girlfriend and suddenly became extremely agitated and repeatedly stated that "Hobart's not coming back."  When Hobart's time of death was sent to my mother in the telegram, it was the same time in "real time" that he died, even though they were in different time zones. She said that Hobart visited her one last time after he died.  He was in full uniform and appeared to be solid---not transparent in the typical manner of ghosts.  

       In 1950 Otelia married my father Charles Pennington Kiteley of Detroit, Michigan. His mother, Daisy, was American but his father was Canadian and died shortly after he was born. He served in the U.S. Marine Corp at Iwo Jima during World War II and worked for the State Department. They traveled widely in connection with his duties. Their tours of duty included Taipei in Nationalist China; Singapore, Malaysia; Arlington, Virginia; Brussels, Belgium; and Bonn, Germany. I was born in Washington, D.C. in 1951, before we shipped out to Taipei. 

     An active member in the Episcopal Church, the Girl Scouts and the Civil Rights movement (during the late 50s-early 60s in the U.S.), Otelia was known for her special tenderness for children and animals. She also assisted the National Institute of Health with research that developed improved treatments for glaucoma.

     Otelia was an accomplished artist, interior designer and art and antiques collector who loved beauty and created beauty.  She especially appreciated paintings, sculpture, antiques, music, poetry and flowers. She did not simply visit this world; she blazed through it like a meteor or a falling star, lighting up everything in her path. Her bright spirit, passionate nature and intense delight in life blessed all who knew her. Her family will always love and miss her. The poem excerpt below expresses some of my mother's outlook on life.

"When Death Comes" (an excerpt)

by Mary Oliver
From New and Selected Poems (Beacon Press)

…. And therefore I look upon everything
as a brotherhood and a sisterhood,
and I look upon time as no more than an idea,
and I consider eternity as another possibility,

and I think of each life as a flower, as common
as a field daisy, and as singular,

and each name a comfortable music in the mouth
tending as all music does, toward silence,

and each body a lion of courage, and something
precious to the earth.

When it's over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it is over, I don't want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.

I don't want to end up simply having visited this world."

 

painted by Joseph Stella - 1926

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
Article on:  "The Divine Feminine Unveiled" by Elizabeth Debold.

Article on:  "Do Catholics Worship A Pagan Goddess In the Disguise of Mary?" by David McDonald

A  channeled communication from the Divine Mother

Infinite Goddess -- Embracing the Divine Mother

Mary, Queen of Heaven, Goddess & Saint  - A brief overview of the alleged blurring and overlapping of the Christian and pre-Christian aspects and expressions of the Divine Mother

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What Is The Sacred Feminine?

by Amy Peck

Amy Peck (Amalya) is an artist, dancer, writer, and producer of women's ceremonies and workshops in San Diego, California. For more information on her events at the Goddess Studio, and her vision for a Center of the Sacred Feminine, visit www.Goddess-Studio.com or email her at: AmalyaGoddess@aol.com

 The Sacred Feminine is a paradigm of Universal Motherhood. It is a principle that embraces concepts of the Holy Mother, the Goddesses of ancient mythologies, the angelic realms, the Divine Self within, Mother Earth doctrines and lore of indigenous peoples. It is a principle that weaves concepts of wisdom, compassion and unconditional love, plus other metaphysical, shamanic, pagan and magical practices.

  The Sacred Feminine is a concept that recognizes that "God" ultimately is neither anthropomorphically male nor female but a Divine Essence (Goddessence) beyond form and duality—an essence that is a balance and unification of masculine and feminine principles—a dynamic, interdependent immanence that pervades all life.

     But seeing the divine as an abstract concept of omnipresent consciousness, or immanence is a challenge for most humans. We all have a basic human need to put the inexplicable into a tangible form in order to explore our relationship to it. Thus we tend to anthropormorphize or attribute human characteristics to the unknowable. In other words, we name and assign form to an abstract concept in order to relate to it at our level of ability. So the Divine Essence or Absolute has become a "Father" God figure that we were taught to visualize, pray to and imagine having a personal relationship with.

     Unfortunately, seeing the vast, infinite, absolute and indescribable Goddessence only in the form of masculine metaphor and symbol has severely limited our human spiritual potential and greatly hindered our ability to live in peace and balance on this earth.

      For the last several thousand years the dominant religious belief systems of our world have been patriarchal which sanctioned societal ethics that elevated God the Father over Mother Earth and man over woman. It is time to balance the masculine and feminine principles within our belief systems, our religious doctrines, our cultural ethos, and within ourselves. To gain this equilibrium, we must shift our focus for a while to the idea of Universal Motherhood—we need to explore the metaphor of the Mother, and the symbol of the Goddess. We need to emphasize "Motherly" love, wisdom, compassion and creativity. We must empower women and celebrate their contribution to spirituality, culture and society. And we must awaken ourselves, teach our children and our men.

   Awareness of the Sacred Feminine will aid us to appreciate the feminine nature in women and men. Awareness of a Universal Motherhood will help us to respect the earth and Mother Nature.  Awareness of the Feminine Principle will help us honor women's bio-physical and emotional passages through life, and to help all people (women particularly) to attain healthy self esteem. And this awareness will encourage all persons to find inner balance and peace thereby increasing respect and tolerance of each other—which ultimately will promote peace on Earth.

       It is time to honor the Sacred Feminine. "Honoring the Sacred Feminine" in the spiritual sense, means valuing the feminine principle, along with the masculine principle, as equal and fundamental aspects of the Divine. From a planetary level, it means respecting and healing our Mother Earth. From a cultural standpoint, it means revivifying the archetype of the Goddess through entertainment and the arts and using language that gives equal emphasis to the pronouns "she" and "her". In the societal sense, it means respecting the contribution of women in business, science, art and politics, as well as the home and community. In a religious view, it means creating ceremony that reaffirms our connection to the divine, the Goddess, the earth and eachother. In the human sense, honoring the Sacred Feminine means especially valuing the innate worth of woman's mind, body and soul, as well as appreciating the "feminine" qualities in the male character.

As the "Hugging" Motherly Saint, Ammachi, (Mata Amritanandamayi Devi) declared in her address given at  A Global Peace Initiative of Women and Religious and Spiritual Leaders Conference, Palais des Nations, United Nations, Geneva, Switzerland, October 

         "Women are the power and the very foundation of our existence in the world. When women lose touch with their real selves, the harmony of the world ceases to exist, and destruction sets in.  It is therefore crucial that women everywhere make every effort to rediscover their fundamentalnature, for only then can we save this world. What today's world really needs is cooperation between men and women, based on a firm sense of unity in the family and society. Wars and conflicts, all the suffering and lack of peace in the present-day world, will certainly lessen to a great extent if women and men begin to cooperate and support each other. Unless harmony is restored between the masculine and the feminine, between men and women, peace will continue to be no more than a distant dream."

      Ultimately, what we should advocate is not that a concept of the Goddess replace that of God, but that we hold each spiritual principle with equal reverence. Then in the human dynamics, we can strive not so much to make woman equal in strength to man—but to regard her strengths as equal.  In so doing, perhaps then our interpersonal and inter-cultural relationships can achieve a healthier balance and unity. It is time to honor the Sacred Feminine--to remember and reclaim our Heritage--in order to restore 7, 2002: wholeness within our religions, our selves, our communities, and our earth.

(To read a listing of 27 ideals, values and attributes of the Sacred Feminine that draw upon the writings of many, send an email to: AmalyaGoddess@aol.com  to request the PDF version of the article.) 

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      "Through The Rose" means going in through the heart center to find your divinity, your wisdom, your peace, and your joy. Jesus said "The kingdom of God is within you."  The rose is the symbol of the Divine Feminine, and has for many centuries stood for both Jesus's mother Mary, and Mary Magdalen. The wild rose has five petals, corresponding to the very ancient earth-based symbol of the divine feminine, the five pointed star. Going Through The Rose will lead us to our own inner wisdom which lights the way to creating a more loving, peaceful and joyful community on Mother Earth.

 Rev. Jennifer Donaldson, Through the Rose Transformational Ministry

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                    Links of Interest  

Visit our Cafe Press Store to purchase a wide variety of the Mystical Order of the White Rose Mandala Imprinted Merchandise (see it in the top left hand corner of our template) including t-shirts, tote bags, journal and much more) and Mystic Rose imprinted items. 

For more information about our White Rose Mandala above and its creator David Bookbinder, click here.             

Pulitizer Prize winning poet Mary Oliver's web index page with lots of reference information and links to several of her poems.   http://mclibrary.nhmccd.edu/lit/oliver.html        

Lovely Video -  JaiMa James Poem "As I Am"       

Ann Baring's writings and website about the "Recognition of the Soul"    

Visit the Bower of the Rosa Mystica - Alternative rosary prayers, Mary, roses. 

Find out more about the little known apparitions of Mary as "Rosa Mystica" in Montichiari-Fontanelle, Italy. They began in 1947. July 13 is the Mary's apparitons as Rosa Mystica feast day.

Explore the Infinite Goddess -- Embracing the Divine Mother

Christian Art E-Greeting Card Service with 700 images to choose from.  The stunning contemporary icons of Robert Lentz are available and many more. You can search by artist, title or image.  First you find the image you want (thumbnail--but can be enlarged), then you click on "send e-greeting" option next to the image. Take some time to explore this treasure trove of museum-quality religious images.    http://www.trinitystores.com/?detail=463&artist=11

You can buy White Rose Jewelry here with some English history thrown in for good measure. 

Hindu Holy Woman, known as the "hugging saint" is considered by many to be an incarnation of the Divine Mother.  Her name is Ammachi.  Find out more here:  http://www.divine-mother.org/